Living Outside Our Comfort Zones
I recently hiked the Presidential Traverse in New Hampshire with my husband and some veteran friends. Our goal was to do something challenging and experience the beauty of the White Mountains. Mission accomplished, and then some. This three-day backpacking trek over seven mountains was one of the most strenuous things that I’ve ever attempted. The rocky ridgeline was physically and mentally exhausting, complete with sore muscles, countless cusswords and even tears. I wasn’t sure that I could make it. I felt out of my league. But 8000 ft and 20+ miles later, we reached the summit of Mount Washington and cheered, proud of ourselves and each other. The views were magnificent.
Reflecting on this trip, I am reminded that a full life begins at the edge of one’s comfort zone, where experiences are unpredictable with big emotions. Anxiety and fear generally show up when we dip our toes in this space. Although sometimes painful, emotions serve an important purpose. Intense emotions wire the nervous system and brain to pay attention. It’s why we remember hard times more readily than other life experiences. When hefty feelings show up, humans develop an acute awareness of the event and can generally recall the sights, tastes, smells, sounds and sensations perceived during these moments. I can close my eyes and quickly recall the highlights of this hike, not because it was pleasurable and easy, but because it was arduous and burned in my brain. Thank you, nervous system!
Here’s the interesting part. The nervous system’s signals (especially anxiety and fear) aren’t always accurate and can trip a false alarm. These faulty alarms may have helped us survive a prior situation but aren’t necessary anymore. Wired to stay alive, if the feelings say “nope”, “too scary”, “not going to make it”, our brains listen. Again, thank you, nervous system, but the cost is high. When we live by these old beliefs, we just stay stuck in the zone of comfort, stuck in our fears, surviving instead of thriving.
The neuroscience here is not just true for bucket list adventures. It has broader applications. What career dreams, relationship goals and fun experiences seem outside of your comfort zone? What opportunities are you forgoing because they make you nervous? You might think, “Why would I push myself like that, Lorraine? Most things beyond that boundary are too scary and unsafe.” I would usually agree with you. I’m often the one in the group over-thinking and 100% sure that danger lurks around the corner. But it’s usually not the case. Anxiety is often lying to us.
I urge you to consider what opportunities live just beyond your comfort zone. What would you like to accomplish that seems a bit scary? If you are currently stuck, therapy can help you find your way. A skilled therapist can teach you to notice your emotions and question old beliefs. Therapy can specifically help to fine tune your nervous system and get the alarms in working order again. You can learn to do hard things and love the views, too. I can guide the way. Learn more at https://wellnesswithlorraine.org/individual-therapy
